Authors Notes
1. I want the reader to realize that you should never give up on what you are doing.
2. what works well is that the characters fit together perfectly. it was easy to find the setting and put them together.
3. NO PROBLEMS.
4.NO.
2. what works well is that the characters fit together perfectly. it was easy to find the setting and put them together.
3. NO PROBLEMS.
4.NO.
A Hunger Fight
“Punch.
Punch. Jab. Jab. Hook. Hook. Kick. Kick. Nice work, Alfred. The only thing you
need to work on is your cardio. You can’t win if you can’t stay in the ring
longer than your opponent,” said the workout instructor.
I started going to the
gym about a week ago trying to clean up my life a bit. Around the same time, a
girl named Katniss started coming to the same gym for workout sessions. Some of
my gym partners have said that she has the hardest punch in the gym. I think
they are right because I saw her on the punching bag and she almost hit the bag
off the chains.
“Hey, Alfred,” said
Katniss.
“Hi,” I replied.
“So what are you doing
after your workout?” said Katniss.
“Well, I think I am
going to work on some more boxing moves. Later, I might just see what’s
happening around my neighborhood,” I said.
It was 3:50 in the afternoon
when I ran into my friend Katniss. “So how did you find out about the gym?”
asked Katniss.
“My friend James told me
about it, but my other friend Major broke into a grocery store where I was
working and he told me he was bringing the money back to the gym.”
“Wow! That’s an
interesting reason. I guess whatever way you found out about it works. If that
never happened, we wouldn’t be here right now talking about it,” said Katniss.
“My big fight is on Tuesday.
You should come,” I said.
“Yeah, that sounds
great. I’ll be there,” Katniss replied.
I was so happy when
Tuesday finally arrived. “Today’s the big day,” I said to Katniss.
“Yeah, I know. I’m
excited for you! Good Luck, I’ll be cheering for you the entire time,” said
Katniss.
The boxing ring was lit up by lights that felt as if they
were blasting heat on the fighters and spectators. The first time I ever fought,
I knocked my opponent in the second round. I guess he didn’t like that because
tonight we are having a rematch. This time it is for the Championship Belt.
The referees gave the
signal and the fight began. I got a few punches in first but then my opponent
gave a few back. Katniss was worried about me now because I was bleeding. Then
I gave my opponent a right hook and knocked him out for a second time. “I am
the champion!” I yelled. I can hear everyone chanting my name as I am given my
belt.
After I got cleaned up from
the fight, I went to meet Katniss. As we are talking I saw a tear fall down Katniss’
cheek. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I ask her.
“I have to go in the Hunger
Games and risk my life. There’s a chance I may never see you again,” she
replied.
Hi Kyle! What a great way to start off your story. Leading with a conversation, especially one as memorable as “Punch. Punch. Jab. Jab. Hook. Hook. Kick. Kick” will definitely hook your reader. I also like your unique choice of writing in the first person. It established your main character right away and brought readers into Alfred’s mind in a very intimate way. If you were to expand your story, I would have liked to hear more about who Alfred and Katniss are as people. You did a good job of establishing them as fighters, but I wish I could have learned a little bit more about what makes them tick. Keep up the great work!
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